Santa Baby

I just received the electronic pics of Sydney which one of her favorite nurses had taken and printed and were left for us on her bed when she was discharged. They are too cute so just thought I'd share. She was discharged in her Santa suit and wore it on Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas 2007

Well, the gifts are all under the tree, stockings filled and sleeping baby and children are softly snoring in their beds. I have finally put the house into some small order (although only to have it completely anihialated only hours from now).

I am so grateful that Christmas is here and have never felt so fortunate for the family and friends in my life. I have been constantly surprised by people and the human experience in the past months. For things you'd expect that sometimes do not happen and then the people who step up for you in a way that you would never ask or expect.

I cannot wait to see the thrill on Savannah and Shelby's faces in the morning and see to Sydney as and when she rouses. Holding each of them in my arms the way they are each so unique in their looks, what they bring to my life, their affection and gratitude so appropriate to each of their little personalities.

I cannot wait to sit at our humble little dining table all crowded in together and be fortunate to have a table filled with food, both my parents to share with us as well as my sister. It reminds me to be mindful and think of my inlaws so far away and respect that every holiday we spend apart from them is so difficult for Cary whether he will ever admit it or not.

I have such a sense of peace and relief and am filled with optimism for a new beginning to restart and recharge in '08.

And then...

there were three.....three little girls, three little angels, three little pairs of hands to hold and cheeks to kiss.

On Wednesday 12/19/07 our family was united as we brought our baby girl Sydney home after 117 days in NICU.

Our gratitude has no words to the staff at Santa Monica UCLA Hospital as well as all of you who have supported us with prayer, food, love and gifts during these gruelling months.

As we prepared to leave the hospital, one of Sydney's champion nurses held my face in her hands and said to me, "my girl, this nightmare is over, today you are waking up and your beautiful life can begin. It is like it never happened, it was all just a bad dream." At first I couldn't believe her but I couldn't sleep last night during our first night together, I felt like it was a dream and I was afraid that if I went to sleep when I woke up I would be back to Tuesday.

My face hurts from smiling and I have an energy and peace that I can't remember having before. My baby is home, my children are together and for my husband and I, our life can now resume.

We thank each and every one of you for what you bring to our lives and for all of your support.

We truly understand the meaning of the word "Merry" in Merry Christmas and we hope you enjoy the same with your family and friends.

Rumor has it...

Sydney may be coming home soon...very soon. At the beginning of last week (I think it was the 9th) the (nurses and Dr. Davis) removed Sydney's feeding tube. This is a huge deal in the preemie world as it is one of the last steps before going home.

Sydney's challenge now is to try and remain calm during her refluxing and actually want to eat. After several challenging days they have finally put her on a four hour\at lib schedule which means she is fed every four hours or when she cues she is hungry, whichever comes first.

This weekend her homecoming was discussed at length during my visits to see her and for a time she was even going to come home on Monday the 17th!

After much consideration we decided to add a medicine to proactively help her with her refluxing thus putting off her discharge for a few days. She also got thrush in her mouth which has made drinking a bottle painful for her and breastfeeding is not an option as it is contagious. So we continue to patiently wait and the days are suddenly getting longer again.

I am in a state at the moment where every day is too long and each drive becomes more difficult but I know we are within days of her coming home and it is something worth every dreaded mile.

Her homecoming is filled with quite a few conditions such as multiple visits to the pediatrician and a buffet of mild medications which she will need such as caffeine and fermotodine (pepcid) still I cannot wait for the day to come when I am awake in the middle of the night by my sweet baby's cry rather than waking to wonder what she is doing and if she is okay. I will then think of my friends April, Clare, Katherine, Laurie, Emi, Joann and Carrie and wonder if they too are feeding and changing their newborns.

In the meantime I will continue to care for, read to, dress, feed and taxi Shelby and Savannah as they finish their last week of school before the Christmas holiday break. Savannah also finishing golf, drawing lessons two dress rehearsals and a winter sing program all in one week! Perhaps its not such a bad thing Sydney has to wait a few more days....yikes....!

In a sense all three girls will be arriving home together for two weeks of togetherness. Bring on the arts and crafts, walks to the park and the ever reliable Disney movies :)

PS Did I mention that Sydney's new crib has not yet arrived nor have I taken the car seat out of the box yet... and there are those gifts that still need to be wrapped.....

Busy busy busy

I can't believe how time continues to fly by at an alarming rate. Hours and days going by in such a blur.

This past week was filled with errands, running after one girl or another, a fabulous evening out with some girlfriends at the Marmalade Cafe, an infant CPR class on Saturday and a great Christmas party on Saturday night.

All the while I realize I have not gotten a thing done towards Christmas. I know just about everything is here but finding it, organizing it and wrapping it will be another feat entirely.

Sweet Treat

Today was a sweet treat. On my morning visit to Sydney they (nurses) informed me that they would be taking of her oxygen cannula so she would be back to just the feeding tube. While I sat visiting with her they took the cannula off and then realized that I had never seen Sydney without any tubes obstructing her face. So they took off her feeding tube as well and I tearfully got to enjoy my visit with my youngest daughter....covering her cheeks with as many kisses as I could. After all she is a chubby six pounds now and every ounce of her is scrumptious!

By the afternoon they needed to reinsert her feeding tube but she has been able to stay off the oxygen so hopefully they will not need to put it back on again.

In the afternoon we (Savannah, Shelby and I) enjoyed an afternoon at Katelyn's birthday party complete with bouncy castle and face painting which they thoroughly enjoyed.

In the evening it was off to Santa Monica with Dad to enjoy some main street strolling on a beautiful California night. We walked along the shops which offer complimentary snacks and beverages. The kids had so much fun with our friends the Petrilles and the Pauls.

The Castle

Tonight Sydney moved from a plexiglass bassinet into a full size steel crib (the kind that is used in a pediatrics ward). While this provides a lot more space and gave us an opportunity to provide some more comforts from home, you can't help but feel like you're moving in.

One half of the crib is where she sleeps, surrounded by some soft toys and the bumper from the crib her sisters used. We have hung up some of her toys for her to look at (secretly hoping they'll have some kind of appeal to her that will make her wonder if there are more waiting at home:)) The other half of the crib has her bouncy chair from home which is handy to put her in after a big meal so she can sit up comfortably and look around.

100 Days

Today marks 100 days since Sydney was born.

I am trying my best to see this as an accomplishment of all that she has been through yet all that we have made it through if that makes sense.

Always looking for a reason to celebrate I loaded up with goodies from Trader Joes for the day and night shift nurses which were a welcomed treat for all.

Some of these women became friends of mine a while ago and they appreciate every small gesture. Their tireless work always seems to go unnoticed yet for so many of these women this is an obvious lifepath and not just a job. I really do not know where Sydney, nor Cary and I would be without them.

Due Date...Bday....3 months!!!

Today was a strange day for me. Today was Sydney's real due date. In one sense it is a day to celebrate and realize how far she has come, kind of a mini birthday of sorts. It also marks that she is 3 months old today and weighs almost six pounds.

On one hand I kind of wanted to spend the whole day with Sydney just in the chair holding her. On another I wanted to lay in bed with my head under the covers as I continue to wonder when she will come home. But as we women know, being a mom leaves very little time for self pity or sleep so instead we went to visit Sydney for our usual visit and spent the afternoon taking Savannah and Shelby to the movies and dinner which they thoroughly enjoyed.

I will post pictures later when my computer issues are resolved.

The Road Home...

To get to Santa Monica UCLA Hospital from Manhattan Beach there are three ways you can go.

You can take the 405 North to the 10 East and pray to the traffic gods that they will be kind to you..(sometimes jumping in the carpool lane by yourself, I'll admit it!). If that doesn't work, you can take the surface streets through Westchester, Marina Del Rey, Culver City and Santa Monica and while you don't save a whole lot of time, you will get there in about 40 minutes and you're pretty guaranteed to keep moving... and then sometime times you can take an unexpected route which gets you there 10 minutes quicker for no apparent reason, or you perhaps take a wrong turn down 17th street that is covered in speed bumps which makes for an interesting drive.

Regardless of how you get there the destination is always the same, to get to Sydney's bedside before her "touch time".

The road home is proving a bit more difficult. Sydney is doing well in that she is at a whopping 5 lbs 3ounces (over 2300g) (a weight I couldn't even imagine when I first saw her) however neurologically she cannot seem to pull together the concept of "suck, swallow, breath" which of course is what she needs to do to be able to be fed without a feeding tube. On Friday 11/16/07 we marked 12 weeks since Sydney was born.

We are also hitting the wall in the sense that her progress to get home is stalling. In an effort to be creative, her doctors have decided to put her back on her oxygen with the smallest amount of support and reduce her food intake so that she won't be so full and have such a hard time breathing during and after meals. In addition to all this, Sydney is very anemic which is why her energy level is so low. Over the next five days hopefully these new elements will bring a small amount of progress and then they will make the decision of whether or not to give her another blood transfusion.

To say we are getting tired is a small understatement but when we are with Sydney every driven mile, gallon of gas, ounce of pumped breastmilk, elevator ride, handwash, antibacterial rub, nurse greeting, telephone call and dirty diaper is worth it. She is beyond delicious to us and there is a mischief to her little gassy smile. Her cleverness is yet to be realized.

I took Savannah and Shelby spontaneously to the beach last week. Like waiting for the tide to come in they anxiously await her homecoming and it is what they are asking for for Christmas more than any toy they may want.

We really don't know when Sydney will come home. It could be next week, it could be a month from now. I'm just hoping I can grant these little girls Christmas wish as it is their dad's and mine as well...

Hi....Its me Sydney...

Tummy time on Mummy's chest

Cotton Candy

Just a little bundle of pink fluffy love... (yes I am in the ridiculous honeymoon stage where I am infatuated with her)

Green Milk...

I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I do not like them Sam I am.... fortunately Sydney has to like her Green Milk. (Breast milk with fortifier and vitamins...), then again a cuddle with Auntie Nad is like the spoonful of sugar....helps the medicine go down.

11 Weeks old today

Sydney is eleven weeks old today and continues to surprise, shock and amaze us. Yesterday was a big day for her in that she transitioned from an incubator into a bassinet (same size bed as she will use at home that is open). She now regulates her own body temperature.

In addition they took off her oxygen canula (little clear tubes in her nose) so the only thing left on her face is her feeding tube.

Sydney is a chunky 2050g (4lbs 6oz) today. The difference in her is just amazing. We are still working hard on her neurological coordination as she is having a little trouble transitioning to the bottle but we'll get there.

Day 75

Well today was day 75 in the NICU for Sydney and boy do we feel it...

On the bright side, our little chunk of love weighs a whopping (1935g) which is 4lbs and nearly 3 ounces. She made the four pound mark on Monday.

I had to laugh, the doctor actually said that if she continues to put weight on this fast they may have to put her on a diet. I can only imagine the expression on my face.

The reaction we've been getting is..."oh that's great, now she can come home" but as we have learned that is really not the case. Sydney's development is still moving right along but from a breathing, cardiac and neurological standpoint she's not quite there yet.

Don't get me wrong, she is doing fantastic but with the apnea and brady spells that she currently has, Thanksgiving is not being mentioned any longer. Of course they add the disclaimer that the whole picture could change next week so as we just continue to ride the roller coaster where it takes us.

I'll definitely take some new pics soon ... Please keep us in your prayers.

4 pounds here we come

So our littlest Keown is changing by the day. She is a whopping (well whopping for her anyway) 3lbs 13oz (1710g) and 17 inches long!!!

Halloween Pics

The fabulous Monster Bride

Sally the car and the Monster Bride

Aunty Nad, Savannah, Shelby and Joaquin the Monkey

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I've noticed that when things are going really well or really not well at all, I never seem to have time to blog or email. I guess that's because whichever way the pendulum swings, I'm super busy.

That said, I'm thrilled to report that things are sailing along really well at the moment.

Savannah is enjoying all the Halloween festivities from Mattel's annual Halloween Happenings to her parade this morning and cannot wait to go trick or treating tonight. She was an American Girl Flapper Girl and today and tonight is going as a Monster Bride. (pics to follow soon)

Shelby is doing well and her tantrums are down to a minimum. I have been giving her as much attention as physically possible and that (as always) seems to do the trick). She is Sally, the Porsche Carerra for Halloween this year but was highly frustrated this morning when she had to go to school as a Veterinarian as her Sally costume is a bit cumbersome.

Sydney is doing so well I can't believe my eyes. She weights 3 lbs 8 oz as of this morning. When I went in for my daytime visit with her, one of her nurses had dressed all of the babies in little halloween tshirts, socks, mittens and hats and taken pics of them for all of the parents as gifts. It brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face to see such an adorable sight. Women like her were born to be nurses and are the reason this whole experience is tolerable in any way, shape or form.

As for Cary and I, he is fighting of a cold of sorts and is his usual exhausted self. He's been very helpful lately which I appreciate so much. I am bumbling through each day trying to get at least one thing done a day and taking care of everyone as best I can.

Can't wait until next year's halloween when we're all together and our biggest decision will be what kind of takeout to get before trick or treating :)

2 Months

Time is playing tricks on us I tell you. The days are passing by like hours but at the same time each day is very long and filled with so many things to do. Yesterday Sydney turned two months (technically she is still 35wk4d gestation but there you have it).

She weighs 3 lbs 4 oz and is 16 inches long!!! She loves to stretch and practice blinking. She can give an identical Shelby frown when she's concentrating and she looks just like Savannah when she's asleep.

This week's exciting news is that she has started with an Occupational Therapist. We originally started off with just bottling but after some late night parties have realized that maybe the boob will be the better way to go for our little champ. These are big steps and what is the real training behind getting her home.

Looks like Thanksgiving may not be so unrealistic after all :) We shall see... For now we're really enjoying all three girls as they continue to grow and change...

Happiness is...

listening to your 7 year old read her little sister a book...

Just a little bag o'sugar!!!

Sydney weighed in at 1370g this morning so we have reached the 3 pound mark!!!!!(3 lbs = 1361g)

Four pounds, here we come :)

Orange is not my color...

Yesterday Nadia and I dressed up Sydney in her halloween costume. Since she will probably skip trick or treating this year we thought this was funny. Not sure sure the nurses who had to help us nor Sydney found it quite as amusing but never the less I'm a sucker for a theme or a holiday and could not forego dressing her up. The costume is actually for a doll but hey you gotta go with what works....

This is Sydney's unamused face.....and her sleepy pumpkin face. I may accidentally eat her one of these days...she could NOT be cuter!

Pacifier

One of Sydney's new skills is learning how to suck which she does with extremely great concentration. This is the smallest pacifier they could find at the hospital so we treasure it like gold...

Let's Cuddle...

with Aunty Nad. On Tuesday 10/09/07 the princess and the mischief maker (you decide who's who ;) had their first cuddle. Aren't they both gorgeous!!!!

As you can see Sydney is passed out in sheer bliss. (BTW, please note all my children seem to be fly catchers and all are known to sleep with their mouth open) Sydney would occasionally open here eyes have a sigh and close them as if to say, oh good its just you Aunty Nad.

Shelby Love...

Shelby needed a day to herself with Mama (part of her birthday celebrations). What's a better way to spend the day than with your Mom all to yourself and have your best friend Jack along with his Mom Cristina to join in the fun. It was a great day at 4 year old pace (in addition to being best buddies, Jack and Shelby were also born on the same day).

We had a great time at Disneyland and enjoyed a mini roller coaster, the carousel, the cars ride, buzz light year and of course ended the day with a big ice cream each while we watched the parade...

Chunky Monkey

Well that little Sydney, despite her marathon of pooping all by herself (a new skill she has just acquired) she has gained a whopping 160 grams in the past three days! I am so proud of her I can't even tell you.

She has gone from 1035 grams on Sunday to 1195 grams as of last night (she is now 2lbs9oz!!!).

The other big development is they have moved her feeding tube to her nose with her oxygen prongs. Now her mouth will be completely clear for the first time since she was born. I cannot wait to see her today and be the first one to give her a kiss :)

Just thought I'd share...

Kids...they keep ya humble

Today for my daytime visit to Sydney my friend Enrique decided to join me and come and meet the little princess.

We watched her for a little and then the nurse told me to go ahead and take her temperature and change her diaper. That was all fine and well except during her diaper change while Enrique and I were chatting, Sydney remembered that she had been meaning to poop.

Apparently the draft of air reminded her of this when I took off her diaper. I am not kidding when I say I now know what projectile poop really is. The stuff shot all the way to the other end of the incubator. How could someone that tiny (and we're talking miniature people) make firstly that much poop let alone have enough strength to force it out that far!

Enrique and I just looked at each other in shock and then he sprang to wet more wipes while I tried to unsuccessfully keep the diaper over Sydney while she continued. Needless to say everything had poop on it. I am now doing laundry at this very minute.

So much for me being confident about changing my 2lb daughter's diaper. What was I thinking underestimating that little chic?

My friend Sarah in heaven was having a good laugh at this one for sure.

Now I know...

how all my stay at home mom friends feel. For the upteenth morning in a row I reminded my darling husband of the two minor chores he promised to help with (putting away the dry clean dishes and making the bed (just in case you were wondering)). I had bitten my lip for most of the morning..."not wanting to go there" but he could tell I was frustrated so I reminded him what we had agreed.

His response: "I just don't see what the big deal is if you're home all day."

Where exactly should I begin with this one ladies?

Okay vent over....have a good one.

The Simple Things...

Kisses from Mama

Mama's wedding ring...who needs a rattle...

Sydney and Auntie Nad

Auntie Nad came to visit and got to see Sydney bright eyed and bushy tailed as they say...

Yippeee Auntie Nad is here....

Big Sisters

During our evening visit today we got to give Savannah, Shelby, Nana and Auntie Nad a little one on one time each with Sydney.

Unfortunately visiting with Shelby is a full time job and she was just thrilled to get to put her little hand inside the incubator for the first time. She decided that tickling Sydney's feet might be a good idea so hence both my hands were full so I didn't get to snap a pic.

Savannah is now understanding how to be an ultimate big sister and how careful to be as well as quiet. She got to hold hands with Sydney for the first time. She is so proud of being a big sister to two baby sisters who "she loves the same and are very different".

Nana and Sydney

Nana and Sydney got to enjoy their first cuddle on Saturday morning. Sydney was well behaved and now Nana too has a new appreciation for the word "little" :)

Happy 4th Birthday Shelby

On Saturday 09/29 we celebrated Shelby's 4th Birthday.

Shelby had insisted for some time that she wanted to have a birthday party. If she was mad or upset for any reason, her first comment to you would be "...then you're not coming to my birthday party....".

When I asked Shelby what kind of birthday she wanted, her response was a "Cars" birthday.

Cary and I got quite a lot of entertainment out of discussing Shelby's birthday plans with her. At one time she wanted no adults (except her family) and no girls. Trying to get her own sister on the list from day to day was a challenge :)

In the end we had her three little boy buddies over (and yes she relented to letting their baby sisters come) and a bouncer and a cake and she was a very happy camper.

Shelby is my tomboy who loves anything the color blue, is proud to have a best friend named Jack and while she can dig in the dirt, be covered in paint or play with her cars until she falls asleep, she also loves each and every doll and stuffed animal equally. Our house typically looks like a day care as Shelby manages to have dolls covered with tea towels (blankets) from one end of our flat to the other.

I look at Shelby in amazement, she is tough and rough and ready to rumble and has no idea how breathtakingly gorgeous she is. Her big eyes and black eyelashes have a way of always stopping me in my tracks, sometimes forgetting what I'm going to say next. She is funny and sensitive and her strong willed personality always reminds me that she has her own set of rules, that there is a "different" way of doing things. She rarely asks for forgiveness or permission and I love the way she always marches to the beat of her own drum regardless of what anyone else is doing. Shelby makes motherhood an adventure and I can't wait to see what the next chapter of our journey holds...

Its a Bird, Its a Plane, its....Kilo Baby

So as the title says, Sydney Keown reached that fabulous 1 kilo (2.2 pounds or 1000 grams) on Thursday evening during her date with her Dad.

Cary went up to visit Sydney on 09/27 to have some one on one time and it turns out she pulled out all the stops for him. During his visit she gave him a good cry (a sound we have both come to love and get super excited when she does. We did not hear our baby cry since she was born for 32 days so we gloat to each other every chance we get).

Not only did she meet her kilo weight and cry but also sucked a teeny pacifier for the first time. I sit and watch patiently day after day at the wonder and miracle of Sydney and half the time she just sleeps through my visits. She'll give me a look as if to say, oh hi Mom its just you. He shows up one night by himself and she turns into a little showgirl.

Ah well, I guess its our teeny equivalent of when the mom spends all their time with baby and their first word is Dada. Such is life...

Savannah and Shelby Time...

After some feedback by one of our dearest babysitters (thanks Joan!), I decided it would be most helpful to hang out with the girls uninterrupted for the rest of the day Saturday. We tried to take a nap but after that failed I turned to chocolate and we made brownies. Well the girls actually took to redecorating the whiteboard while I baked. They of course were very happy to help me clean the mixer and bowl. Here's a little pic of that.

After that we cleaned up and headed to dinner with Nana at California Pizza Kitchen followed by a trip to Toys R Us for Shelby to pick out a present from Auntie Jac. Her gift of choice was a double stroller from fisher price (cannot believe I payed retail when I work for the company!)

After that it was off to Baskin Robbins to order Shelby's Car cake that she has had her eye on for months. Savannah fell asleep in my arms which was sheer bliss while Shelby continued to play with her new stroller until she nearly collapsed but fortunately went to bed without too much fuss....

I'm Grateful...

I was thinking to myself on the drive to the hospital on Monday evening (yes it takes me a while to catch up with blogging), that Motherhood could be defined as being on your way to the hospital to visit your daughter with nothing but the radio and a cold gatorade all the while you have floor seat tickets to the Justin Timberlake concert and being okay with it. I was thinking while on that drive how grateful I am to have such choices and to live in a place where my tiny baby is being so well looked after and that I have opportunities and will have many more to see such entertainers.

I am so grateful this week as Sydney is impressing us all and how she truly is one of my sources of wonder. She has gained 65 g this week and her feeds started on Sunday at 1ml every twelve hours to now 9ml every three hours!!!! She should be at a kilo in no time. I also had the sheer uninterrupted pleasure of holding her for an hour and a half on Thursday and she has been doing very well all week. Her ventilator setting has come down from 40% all the way to 23%. If she keeps this up she will hopefully be off the vent in the upcoming weeks.

I am also so grateful for a community near and far of such wonderful friends. Monday and Wednesday we had meals from Michele and Mary. Wednesday Veronica kindly watched the girls for us while we went to the hospital and Gabe and Karla joined us to meet Sydney for the first time as Mr and Mrs Delfosse:).

Thursday it was Back to School night where I learned Savannah has turned around 180 and is doing very well (and also learning Japanese...who knew!), followed by a mini girls night out with Petrea and Heather who also got to meet Sydney for the first time. Everyone's reaction is always the same.....she is SOOOO tiny.....followed by she is amazing! That's Sydney for you, Tiny but Mighty as the nurses say.

All in all we are doing well and for THAT I am very grateful :)

Hi Everyone

I am giving the whole idea of "blogging" a try. I think it may be the answer to sending such large emails and also my increasing need to journal, document and be able to remind my kids all the little things for later in life. We'll see.

For those of you who are new to me and my blogspot.... I am the mother of 3 beautiful baby girls. Savannah 7, Shelby 4 (almost) and Sydney 3wks 3days who was born at 26wks6d gestation (delivered early due to me getting HELLP Syndrome).

Sydney is currently at the NICU at Santa Monica UCLA hospital where she is doing very well and this blog will hopefully help with our journey and ultimately our celebrations to come.

Attached is our first family picture taken this Sunday 09/16/07.

Samantha