What I now know....

So I had hoped to find the quality time that I have been craving to blog and read and such and while I have done this a little I have also really enjoyed my time away to relax, socialize and just do whatever I like. From this week away I have realized a few things...namely (in no particular order):

• I like being and could imagine myself living in a cold climate.
• Am truly English at heart and am one of the few people that love English food.
• My baby sister will always be my baby and all that goes with that dynamic (she still steals my hairbrush and likes to sit in the front seat so she doesn't get car sick...)
• I love my extended family very much. They are my people and I am most comfortable when I am with them. They remind me that I am not weird or quirky and that I am part of something.
• My extended family does help me appreciate my immediate family and realize that everyone has problems big and small just in different context.
• I am addicted to Steak pies.
• I have self control when it comes to eating, shopping and other things and it is up to me to exercise at my discretion.
• Its okay not to miss my kids because they are totally fine and the little I take for me gives me more to give to them.
• I have had a really shitty year that is now behind me but that I didn't acknowledge at the time.
• I need to reclaim myself as the master of my destiny and get back in the driver's seat.
• I appreciate a dry sense of humor and am sure I have annoyed people by laughing a lot this week. Even at the expense of a dead cat named bubbles.
• My sister is truly one of my best friends and a gift I treasure.
• I enjoy hanging out in a quiet space as much as trapesing through London and in equal proportion.
• Living in the US gives one a jaded sense of safety as the world is a really scary space.
• There are a lot of people out there that need help of all different kinds.
• Its so nice to begin and end a thought without interruption.

So here I am...

in the very cool OneWorld lounge at LAX airport seriously wondering what on earth to do with myself. I am about to head off on a much needed vacation and while I am headed to family overseas, I do believe there will be ample opportunity for me to get some rest as well as have some quiet time to think, read or whatever it is I used to do before my gorgeous girls came along. I promised myself if nothing else that I would take the opportunity to update my blog. It is absolutely ridiculous that my last post was on May 31st! 6 months with nothing!!!! I know I've been busy but even I'm apalled.

I so often think about it (the blog that is) and how it is my favorite way to express myself. For me it is both a release of emotion and a form of therapy (which I guess are kind of the same thing) but at any rate something I really need to do for myself more often. That and the fact that I am always surprised that my friends actually read it and find some small entertainment from it.

The trip I am going on came about in sort of a strange series of circumstances. I was reading "The Other Boleyn Girl" for my book club and simultaneously Nadia was talking about her plans of her trip to England and how she was going to visit my Aunt, cousins and her best friend Penny. For whatever reason one morning I woke up with a feeling like I had a huge weight on my chest. Like I couldn't breath. There was absolutely nothing wrong I just had such a strong feeling that I wanted to get away. Not escape entirely just a really needed break.... It really hit me that I have been going to England since I was 2 and have made at least probably 20 trips in the last 33 years since then but can count on one hand how many things I have actually seen. Reading that book and its description of the castles and different places in the country helped me realize there was so much I haven't seen really with my eyes open as an adult so I could appreciate it.

I love my husband, I love my children but somewhere along the line while trying to conquer my little universe "with an S on my chest" as Alicia Keys puts it, I realize sometimes that I never really feel looked after. Don't get me wrong. I completely appreciate all that my Mom does for me, without whom I would barely just be on survival mode. And Cary has his moments of helpfulness when he's in the mood but I think as wives and mothers we take on these additional identities and somewhere along the line forget who we are and where we were going in our lives.

I can't honestly tell you what my favorite song is or movie or book because so much of the little spare time I have is discussing these things with my girls. I can tell you Miley Cyrus' latest hit or the words to the book "I ain't gonna paint no more" but I couldn't even tell you who the star of the movie was that I saw a month ago because I don't remember.

I always knew or perhaps I assumed I would be a mother. It just wasn't something I ever really thought about. I do think sometimes I should have given it a little more planning and forethought as I was pretty young by today's standards....in the US anyway. I am so grateful that until my last pregnancy I didn't have any major health issues but I worry if I was a good mother when I was younger as there was so much I was still trying to figure out myself.

I'm not complaining by any means, it just all is a bit overwhelming sometimes. I fear that instead of being the jack of all trades I am the master of none. I do believe however that with a big deep breath and some much needed time off not to mention some alone girlie time with my sister will do the trick and it will be interesting to see if and how my perspective changes over the next few days. Hopefully I'll have the time and the means to update this and keep you posted....if anyone out there is reading this.

For now I am going to enjoy myself, relax and partake in all the fineries this lounge has to offer.

Sex and the City

So while my backlog blogging needs some serious work, I couldn't miss the opportuntiy to dish about the Sex and the City movie. Yes I participated in one of the zillions of girls nights out going on across America at the moment and I had to say I had such a lovely time.

The evening was arranged by my girlfriend "V" and while she was the only girl I am close to, I most of the others and it also gave me a chance to meet some new faces that work at Mattel who I had always wondered about.

We started off at PF Changs for martinis and a yummy dinner. I was the first to arrive and after sending back their very berry martini I settled on something called a Lucky Cat which is basically vodka, pineapple juice and Chambord, yum!

Everyone arrived at different times and after my Lucky Cat and another Apple Martini and the scrumptious honey shrimp, I was rather relaxed and enjoying myself. Veronica was ever so sweet and surprised us each with our very own black SATC gift back complete with shocking pink tissue paper, would you believe a designer cookie with an image of the four gals onto a sugar cookie with frosting, a cd of the movie soundtrack and a lollipop, just in case. So cute and it was very cool to see the other large tables of women spying on us with envy:)

Joelle and I went over to start lining up just before seven for the 8pm showing. It was one of those things that in some small way you were kind of excited to be a part of. Its not like we were working on world peace or anything but I really enjoyed seeing this extremely wide variety of women of all ages, races, marital status, some pregnant, weights and cultures come together with the same girlfriend bond.

It was really fun to watch the movie and obvious we weren't the only gals who had had a few martinis but it was one of those things where a funny part was even funnier by everyone laughing. Just a really good time.

For the movie itself I loved it. I am not a picky movie critic by any stretch of the imagination but I felt that it had the right balance of hapiness and sadness and I felt like it had some very realistic parts and sometimes everything isn't perfect and that's okay. I think there was something in it for everyone, regardless of your age or marital status etc. The only two things that bothered me ever so slightly was I would have liked to see a little bit more of Charlotte's home life with her husband and a little less of Jennifer Hudson. Louise was a cute character don't get me wrong but I just wanted Carrie to spend more time with her girlfriends but then again isn't that life? The other is that I wanted Charlotte to either just adopt another little baby or be okay with what she had. I was happy for her and all but I always think of my friends who try endlessly to fall pregnant and sometimes things just don't work out that way that they become a mom another way. I just felt that to give Charlotte everything including a pregnancy was a little over the top.

Anyway, I had an awesome time and it was one of those female experiences that need not be shared with men. They don't get it and I doubt they ever will.... and sometimes that's just fine too. Perhaps in some way some good secrets are just better kept:)

Backlog Blogging

So I am finally updating my blog but will be filing them in back log based on the months or weeks of when these things happened. Its not that I don't want to blog but as I shared with a friend yesterday, I have all these thoughts and stories in my head however getting the uninterrupted time to actually type them out is a whole nother story. For now it is 7:40am and I have been up since six, fed my baby, had some coffee, caught up on an episode of Desperate Housewives from over a week ago. Now my two older daughters have joined us and are watching a program that is keeping them somewhat entertained while my baby girl Sydney has most likely filled her diaper and fallen asleep being the sweet little angel she is. I am going to capitalize on this time and while I don't like the idea of dirty diapers, I have to get some typing done otherwise I will never remember what it was I had intended to say for the last six weeks.

No sooner have I typed the above, the two older girls have started a debate on what they would like to watch and baby is now awake so I must change her :)

Hopefully I shall return!!!

Oh and shall I mention that my husband is fast asleep oblivious to all of this!

Auntie Katie

I wanted to make sure I didn't leave the month of April (yes people I know its mid-May as I write this) but on my blog I wanted to make sure I didn't leave the month of April without mentioning someone special to me who we call Auntie Katie.

Auntie Katie is one of those fairy godmothers that I hope every woman has on some level in their life. She came to me at birth when my mother needed a sure hand as she waivered in her confidence as a new mom. Auntie Katie was my first and only Nanny and someone who has been a constant in my life no matter where I lived or what has happened.

Now as an adult with my own children my appreciation for her is at an alltime high. You see Auntie Katie has cared for hundreds of people, be it children that she nannied since her twenties or the HIV victims she nursed in the eighties and nineties. She seems to care for everyone who crosses her path although I always feel the bond between her and I is more unique and special than most.

For whatever reason she was not able to be a natural mother herself but I'd like to believe its because she is a mom to so many most of all her little dog Lucky. She has now retired in Sarasota, Florida but of course she volunteers to take care of babies of unwed mothers who go to school.

She has the greatest sense of humor, a fabulous newcastle accent and one of the most infectious laughs you can imagine. She even resembles my own Mom and people have mistaken them before thinking just one had changed their hairstyle. I will say she's probably a bit more lenient than my Mom in some things but you wouldn't want to step out of line as she has the same no nonsense attitude expected of any upstanding British Nanny :)

Most recently my Mom needed a much needed vacation to England before she took on our three daughters full time. Without hesitation Auntie Katie made the sacrifice of her time to come all the way from Florida to stay with us and take care of our three girls. She bonded with each one so incredibly and I think on some level Sydney is still wondering where she is.

I am so grateful to have Auntie Katie in my life and this little blurb was to help remind her that. I keep this blog as a diary to my own children so that they will understand my emotions, our life's little trials and quandries but to also understand how much people like Auntie Katie mean to me.

Thoughts are one thing but sometimes I think writing them out or making sure you express them in some way is equally important. How will others know how you truly feel unless you tell them...make sure they listen or better yet read :)

I love you Auntie Katie, you really mean the world to me and if there is ever anything you need from me you know I am here for you.

Highly recommended...

Two nights away with just your husband to talk, sleep in, read, stay up late, heck even going to the local store is fun, put makeup on (completely), leave where you are staying fully dressed including accessories and hair done, enjoy time with friends, eat, drink and silently wonder what your kids are doing all the while being able to relax, appreciate them from a distance and even miss them a little by the time you head back to them:)

HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED:

Enjoy reading book club book in lounge chair by jacuzzi in overcast weather while you are actually burning to a crisp. The red hue of my skin is not my camera or the fact that I'm tipsy, its a burn people, an idiot burn at that. Fortunately it only hurt for a day and has pretty much already gone. Ay yi yi. The benefit of having so many children is you always leave the house prepared for just about anything.

I can't stop crying....

Okay I am at work and keep tearing up.... its the silliest thing. Sydney's blood tests came back beautiful just like her. We get to take her off of caffeine and put her onto rice cereal. The silliest thing in the world and yet I feel like my heart will burst with pride and happiness.

Of course I need to celebrate so I am off in search of a high chair and will pick up the rice cereal on my way home :)

Yippeee

What more can I say!

Happy Easter

Seriously people where is the time going. How was it Easter already. I know I'm busy when I'm at home but my goodness I can't believe how the days and weeks are just flying. The girls are doing so well each individually as well as us as a family. I could not be happier and the memories of the last months of last year seem distant and hard to remember. Here are our gorgeous girlies...

Thanks for the super cute outfits Nana!

Sydney was 7 months old on Monday

Happy St Patrick's Day

Okay so I couldn't get all three girls together in the same direction so here's the delicious Sydney showing off her new chubby cheeks.

Biggest Fan

Savannah and Cary had their first Father\Daughter dance last Friday and we went to Johnny Rockets before hand for a school fundraiser.

So I know I'm my kids biggest fan but these pics are just too cute.

And yes that's Sydney in a poodle skirt too.

Okay so...

I cannot believe how much time has gone and how quickly since I last blogged. I thought I would do it when Sydney turned five months on 01/24/08 but alas something came up. Here's a pic anyway of Sydney at 5 months.

Then I thought, okay for sure I will do it on Valentine's day or when Sydney turned 6 months on 02/24/08 but that didn't happen either.

So now I realize that if I don't just bite the bullet and get on the opportunity is really never going to present itself.

So you may be asking yourself well what were you so busy with (although I know you moms aren't asking)? Well....lets see

Umm, well the adjustment to three kids at home has been a bit bigger than I had thought. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel outnumbered as in this house we have three parents, me, Cary and my Mom. Trust me I don't know how people do it without the extra hands and I now believe mothers who are single parents, providing they don't beat their dchildren deserve some kind of direct passage into heaven, sainthood or somekind of eternal hapiness.

Its more that I just feel so driven to give each of them as much quality time as possible. So that being said, for those of you interested in reading I will try and create an archive of events to catch you up to date....of course that is when I have bit more time, for now I'm off to watch Lipstick Jungle (my new little vice)

Why is it...

...that I can effectively straighten up my house when my housekeeper is about to arrive, but can't get it done on any other day.

...that I can do homework with my seven year old, while tending to a fussy baby with roast squash and pork tenderloin in the oven but I can't get through the mail on the dining table.

...that I can read my friends blogs but never get the time to keep mine up to date.

...that I can diligently search for what I think is a creative birthday gift for a best friend only to have it sit unwrapped and ungiven for two weeks!!!!

...that I can bath and dress all my children and do laundry and it is 10:25am, I have just eaten half of my breakfast and I am still in my pajamas!!!!! with an untidy house again!!!

Ah well I'm sure when I go back to work I'll remember some kind of efficiency skill.

First Family Outting

So on Sunday 1/30/07 we decided we finally needed some air and so did all three kids.
Trying to find something that would interest 3 out of five of us, we settled on miniature golf at Mulligan's family center in Torrance.

Bearing in mind, we made this decision at 9am. Somewhere around 9:30am Cary says to me, "so we'll leave at 10am?" At this point I look at him with my hair in a bun, pajama clad while making pancakes and a fresh bottle for Sydney, chuckle and reply "no dear, that was when we had two kids, plus we are waiting for our Vons.com delivery so let's shoot for 1pm."

'Oh", he said, "okay".

Wouldn't you know it that murphy's law for the first time ever, Vons delivered at 2pm instead of 11am like they were supposed by which point we are all now hungry, cranky yet still determined for our outting as at this point we have been waiting all day.

2:18pm we are finally in the car and on our way!!! Once we arrive, the priority is food as we are about to devour each other. Fortunately the chicken strips and grilled chicken sandwich we shared was hot, fresh and beyond delicious so we devoured that and were ready for some golfing. Unfortunately poor Shelby had two mini meltdowns as at this point she really should have been napping rather than anything else.

The girls thoroughly enjoyed the golf and it was tears when we had to leave. Sydney slept peacefully wrapped to my chest and the setting was ideal as it wasn't too crowded and we were outside.

It was very surreal seeing three kids in three car seats all at once and Cary and I just kept smiling goofily at each other. Our life is finally starting again :)