A Proud Moment...

Savannah, where do I begin to tell you how proud I am of you and what a privilege it is to be your mom. I hope as you grow older you will look back fondly at your childhood and see it as a happy time.

The truth is you have faced some pretty big obstacles in the past year or two (well we have as a family) but I feel like you have had to be almost the most resillient of everyone by changing schools, changing addresses and while you voice your concerns you never complain or refuse to do it.

Case in point of last night. Your Dad and I received a letter several weeks ago to let us know that there is a strong possibility that you may not get to attend the school we had in mind for you to complete fourth and fifth grade due to space availability. We thought that to assist you with the transition of changing schools it would be a good idea for you to go back to the place where you attended Kindergarten and First Grade.

We were so concerned at how you would react and feeling stressed ourselves at the prospect of asking you to make yet another change in your little life because of choices that we make for us as a family unit.

So now that the time is near for schools to resume session, we casually broached the subject last night at dinner. We explained to you that we received a letter and that while you will be attending the school district we had in mind, it might be at a different school location that only has 3rd, 4th and 5th grade but that we would know by the end of the week.

While initially I thought I saw the smallest amount of fear in your eyes, to our shock, surprise, delight and slight confusion, your response was this:

"Hmmm, well would it be okay if, once we find out, I can choose for myself? I kind of like the idea of going to a school with less grades and less people."

Your Dad and I were somewhat stunned and so we said sure you will get to decide. Our preference of course would be to have you and your sister on the same campus, however, how can we question your choices when you receive information so openly and willingly.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the end. We love you Savannah and are just so so proud of you.

Sydney Bean!

Sydney, why can't you stay this little forever, and love me this much for always? I love you my sweet and can't believe how far you've come, how much you've accomplished and how you remind me to live in the moment. I cannot believe in just three days you will be the tender age of 2!

And by the way, just for the record, you are a very willfull two, all fight and minimal cooperation :)

PS This picture was taken at Auntie V's Luau after you had been in the pool for way too long. You protested getting out even though you were three shades of blue! 8/8/09

I'm grateful for...

My beautiful family and how they make me smile even when they're sleeping...

My girlfriend Veronica and how she thinks of me, passes me her hand me down clothes and I feel like a million bucks in them...

My Wish list...

I wish I could get it together to scrapbook to document my daughters events and the precious memories I have with them.

HOW ON EARTH?

Did I get to the middle of August and this is the first time I am posting this year? Shocking and unexcusable!

I couldn't tell you what I have done with all of this time but this year more than any other before has been at a breakneck pace. Definitely going to aim for a low key, stop and smell the roses kind of year next year...... in the meantime however warp speed continues.

What I now know....

So I had hoped to find the quality time that I have been craving to blog and read and such and while I have done this a little I have also really enjoyed my time away to relax, socialize and just do whatever I like. From this week away I have realized a few things...namely (in no particular order):

• I like being and could imagine myself living in a cold climate.
• Am truly English at heart and am one of the few people that love English food.
• My baby sister will always be my baby and all that goes with that dynamic (she still steals my hairbrush and likes to sit in the front seat so she doesn't get car sick...)
• I love my extended family very much. They are my people and I am most comfortable when I am with them. They remind me that I am not weird or quirky and that I am part of something.
• My extended family does help me appreciate my immediate family and realize that everyone has problems big and small just in different context.
• I am addicted to Steak pies.
• I have self control when it comes to eating, shopping and other things and it is up to me to exercise at my discretion.
• Its okay not to miss my kids because they are totally fine and the little I take for me gives me more to give to them.
• I have had a really shitty year that is now behind me but that I didn't acknowledge at the time.
• I need to reclaim myself as the master of my destiny and get back in the driver's seat.
• I appreciate a dry sense of humor and am sure I have annoyed people by laughing a lot this week. Even at the expense of a dead cat named bubbles.
• My sister is truly one of my best friends and a gift I treasure.
• I enjoy hanging out in a quiet space as much as trapesing through London and in equal proportion.
• Living in the US gives one a jaded sense of safety as the world is a really scary space.
• There are a lot of people out there that need help of all different kinds.
• Its so nice to begin and end a thought without interruption.

So here I am...

in the very cool OneWorld lounge at LAX airport seriously wondering what on earth to do with myself. I am about to head off on a much needed vacation and while I am headed to family overseas, I do believe there will be ample opportunity for me to get some rest as well as have some quiet time to think, read or whatever it is I used to do before my gorgeous girls came along. I promised myself if nothing else that I would take the opportunity to update my blog. It is absolutely ridiculous that my last post was on May 31st! 6 months with nothing!!!! I know I've been busy but even I'm apalled.

I so often think about it (the blog that is) and how it is my favorite way to express myself. For me it is both a release of emotion and a form of therapy (which I guess are kind of the same thing) but at any rate something I really need to do for myself more often. That and the fact that I am always surprised that my friends actually read it and find some small entertainment from it.

The trip I am going on came about in sort of a strange series of circumstances. I was reading "The Other Boleyn Girl" for my book club and simultaneously Nadia was talking about her plans of her trip to England and how she was going to visit my Aunt, cousins and her best friend Penny. For whatever reason one morning I woke up with a feeling like I had a huge weight on my chest. Like I couldn't breath. There was absolutely nothing wrong I just had such a strong feeling that I wanted to get away. Not escape entirely just a really needed break.... It really hit me that I have been going to England since I was 2 and have made at least probably 20 trips in the last 33 years since then but can count on one hand how many things I have actually seen. Reading that book and its description of the castles and different places in the country helped me realize there was so much I haven't seen really with my eyes open as an adult so I could appreciate it.

I love my husband, I love my children but somewhere along the line while trying to conquer my little universe "with an S on my chest" as Alicia Keys puts it, I realize sometimes that I never really feel looked after. Don't get me wrong. I completely appreciate all that my Mom does for me, without whom I would barely just be on survival mode. And Cary has his moments of helpfulness when he's in the mood but I think as wives and mothers we take on these additional identities and somewhere along the line forget who we are and where we were going in our lives.

I can't honestly tell you what my favorite song is or movie or book because so much of the little spare time I have is discussing these things with my girls. I can tell you Miley Cyrus' latest hit or the words to the book "I ain't gonna paint no more" but I couldn't even tell you who the star of the movie was that I saw a month ago because I don't remember.

I always knew or perhaps I assumed I would be a mother. It just wasn't something I ever really thought about. I do think sometimes I should have given it a little more planning and forethought as I was pretty young by today's standards....in the US anyway. I am so grateful that until my last pregnancy I didn't have any major health issues but I worry if I was a good mother when I was younger as there was so much I was still trying to figure out myself.

I'm not complaining by any means, it just all is a bit overwhelming sometimes. I fear that instead of being the jack of all trades I am the master of none. I do believe however that with a big deep breath and some much needed time off not to mention some alone girlie time with my sister will do the trick and it will be interesting to see if and how my perspective changes over the next few days. Hopefully I'll have the time and the means to update this and keep you posted....if anyone out there is reading this.

For now I am going to enjoy myself, relax and partake in all the fineries this lounge has to offer.