Sydney Bean!

Sydney, why can't you stay this little forever, and love me this much for always? I love you my sweet and can't believe how far you've come, how much you've accomplished and how you remind me to live in the moment. I cannot believe in just three days you will be the tender age of 2!

And by the way, just for the record, you are a very willfull two, all fight and minimal cooperation :)

PS This picture was taken at Auntie V's Luau after you had been in the pool for way too long. You protested getting out even though you were three shades of blue! 8/8/09

My Wish list...

I wish I could get it together to scrapbook to document my daughters events and the precious memories I have with them.

So here I am...

in the very cool OneWorld lounge at LAX airport seriously wondering what on earth to do with myself. I am about to head off on a much needed vacation and while I am headed to family overseas, I do believe there will be ample opportunity for me to get some rest as well as have some quiet time to think, read or whatever it is I used to do before my gorgeous girls came along. I promised myself if nothing else that I would take the opportunity to update my blog. It is absolutely ridiculous that my last post was on May 31st! 6 months with nothing!!!! I know I've been busy but even I'm apalled.

I so often think about it (the blog that is) and how it is my favorite way to express myself. For me it is both a release of emotion and a form of therapy (which I guess are kind of the same thing) but at any rate something I really need to do for myself more often. That and the fact that I am always surprised that my friends actually read it and find some small entertainment from it.

The trip I am going on came about in sort of a strange series of circumstances. I was reading "The Other Boleyn Girl" for my book club and simultaneously Nadia was talking about her plans of her trip to England and how she was going to visit my Aunt, cousins and her best friend Penny. For whatever reason one morning I woke up with a feeling like I had a huge weight on my chest. Like I couldn't breath. There was absolutely nothing wrong I just had such a strong feeling that I wanted to get away. Not escape entirely just a really needed break.... It really hit me that I have been going to England since I was 2 and have made at least probably 20 trips in the last 33 years since then but can count on one hand how many things I have actually seen. Reading that book and its description of the castles and different places in the country helped me realize there was so much I haven't seen really with my eyes open as an adult so I could appreciate it.

I love my husband, I love my children but somewhere along the line while trying to conquer my little universe "with an S on my chest" as Alicia Keys puts it, I realize sometimes that I never really feel looked after. Don't get me wrong. I completely appreciate all that my Mom does for me, without whom I would barely just be on survival mode. And Cary has his moments of helpfulness when he's in the mood but I think as wives and mothers we take on these additional identities and somewhere along the line forget who we are and where we were going in our lives.

I can't honestly tell you what my favorite song is or movie or book because so much of the little spare time I have is discussing these things with my girls. I can tell you Miley Cyrus' latest hit or the words to the book "I ain't gonna paint no more" but I couldn't even tell you who the star of the movie was that I saw a month ago because I don't remember.

I always knew or perhaps I assumed I would be a mother. It just wasn't something I ever really thought about. I do think sometimes I should have given it a little more planning and forethought as I was pretty young by today's standards....in the US anyway. I am so grateful that until my last pregnancy I didn't have any major health issues but I worry if I was a good mother when I was younger as there was so much I was still trying to figure out myself.

I'm not complaining by any means, it just all is a bit overwhelming sometimes. I fear that instead of being the jack of all trades I am the master of none. I do believe however that with a big deep breath and some much needed time off not to mention some alone girlie time with my sister will do the trick and it will be interesting to see if and how my perspective changes over the next few days. Hopefully I'll have the time and the means to update this and keep you posted....if anyone out there is reading this.

For now I am going to enjoy myself, relax and partake in all the fineries this lounge has to offer.

Backlog Blogging

So I am finally updating my blog but will be filing them in back log based on the months or weeks of when these things happened. Its not that I don't want to blog but as I shared with a friend yesterday, I have all these thoughts and stories in my head however getting the uninterrupted time to actually type them out is a whole nother story. For now it is 7:40am and I have been up since six, fed my baby, had some coffee, caught up on an episode of Desperate Housewives from over a week ago. Now my two older daughters have joined us and are watching a program that is keeping them somewhat entertained while my baby girl Sydney has most likely filled her diaper and fallen asleep being the sweet little angel she is. I am going to capitalize on this time and while I don't like the idea of dirty diapers, I have to get some typing done otherwise I will never remember what it was I had intended to say for the last six weeks.

No sooner have I typed the above, the two older girls have started a debate on what they would like to watch and baby is now awake so I must change her :)

Hopefully I shall return!!!

Oh and shall I mention that my husband is fast asleep oblivious to all of this!

Auntie Katie

I wanted to make sure I didn't leave the month of April (yes people I know its mid-May as I write this) but on my blog I wanted to make sure I didn't leave the month of April without mentioning someone special to me who we call Auntie Katie.

Auntie Katie is one of those fairy godmothers that I hope every woman has on some level in their life. She came to me at birth when my mother needed a sure hand as she waivered in her confidence as a new mom. Auntie Katie was my first and only Nanny and someone who has been a constant in my life no matter where I lived or what has happened.

Now as an adult with my own children my appreciation for her is at an alltime high. You see Auntie Katie has cared for hundreds of people, be it children that she nannied since her twenties or the HIV victims she nursed in the eighties and nineties. She seems to care for everyone who crosses her path although I always feel the bond between her and I is more unique and special than most.

For whatever reason she was not able to be a natural mother herself but I'd like to believe its because she is a mom to so many most of all her little dog Lucky. She has now retired in Sarasota, Florida but of course she volunteers to take care of babies of unwed mothers who go to school.

She has the greatest sense of humor, a fabulous newcastle accent and one of the most infectious laughs you can imagine. She even resembles my own Mom and people have mistaken them before thinking just one had changed their hairstyle. I will say she's probably a bit more lenient than my Mom in some things but you wouldn't want to step out of line as she has the same no nonsense attitude expected of any upstanding British Nanny :)

Most recently my Mom needed a much needed vacation to England before she took on our three daughters full time. Without hesitation Auntie Katie made the sacrifice of her time to come all the way from Florida to stay with us and take care of our three girls. She bonded with each one so incredibly and I think on some level Sydney is still wondering where she is.

I am so grateful to have Auntie Katie in my life and this little blurb was to help remind her that. I keep this blog as a diary to my own children so that they will understand my emotions, our life's little trials and quandries but to also understand how much people like Auntie Katie mean to me.

Thoughts are one thing but sometimes I think writing them out or making sure you express them in some way is equally important. How will others know how you truly feel unless you tell them...make sure they listen or better yet read :)

I love you Auntie Katie, you really mean the world to me and if there is ever anything you need from me you know I am here for you.

I can't stop crying....

Okay I am at work and keep tearing up.... its the silliest thing. Sydney's blood tests came back beautiful just like her. We get to take her off of caffeine and put her onto rice cereal. The silliest thing in the world and yet I feel like my heart will burst with pride and happiness.

Of course I need to celebrate so I am off in search of a high chair and will pick up the rice cereal on my way home :)

Okay so...

I cannot believe how much time has gone and how quickly since I last blogged. I thought I would do it when Sydney turned five months on 01/24/08 but alas something came up. Here's a pic anyway of Sydney at 5 months.

Then I thought, okay for sure I will do it on Valentine's day or when Sydney turned 6 months on 02/24/08 but that didn't happen either.

So now I realize that if I don't just bite the bullet and get on the opportunity is really never going to present itself.

So you may be asking yourself well what were you so busy with (although I know you moms aren't asking)? Well....lets see

Umm, well the adjustment to three kids at home has been a bit bigger than I had thought. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel outnumbered as in this house we have three parents, me, Cary and my Mom. Trust me I don't know how people do it without the extra hands and I now believe mothers who are single parents, providing they don't beat their dchildren deserve some kind of direct passage into heaven, sainthood or somekind of eternal hapiness.

Its more that I just feel so driven to give each of them as much quality time as possible. So that being said, for those of you interested in reading I will try and create an archive of events to catch you up to date....of course that is when I have bit more time, for now I'm off to watch Lipstick Jungle (my new little vice)